I could give more thought to dressing in a Halloween costume if it didn’t look like a pervert’s fantasy…
by Calinda B
Okay, I know, you’re over Halloween and onto Thanksgiving. And it’s a good thing, too, since you don’t want to look fat in your Halloween costume and Thanksgiving is all about eating, right? Wait – isn’t it about giving thanks? I digress.
Costumes are supposed to flatter and tease, stimulate, make you think, represent your inner fantasies (if viewing on an adult), or make you go Awwww, how adorable (if viewing a child). They’re not supposed to make you run like hell for the next holiday. They’re also not supposed to make you look foolish or stupid, unless you have a fantasy of appearing that way. But, for some, many of them lean in that direction. I do love a good laugh, however, and some of this year’s offerings were ROFLMAO hilarious.
Take this look at Halloween fun – one of my author pals posted a BuzzFeed video of four guys trying on women’s “sexy” Halloween costumes. The costumes are ridiculous enough, but on a guy, they’re hilarious. There was the Sexy Nun black leather costume. Nothing about the look was sexy, nun-like or even interesting.
As one guy tried on a Lady Bug look, he said, “I’ve never looked at a lady bug and said, ‘I’d like to hit that’.” I don’t blame him. Neither the insect nor the costume has any human sex appeal. The men looked ridiculous in the skimpy red bra, short shorts, bobbing antennae and cheap wings.
As if that wasn’t fun enough, the Huffington Post posted their Top 10 Costumes that make No Sense. Take the Strait Jacket. Talk about a good time! You can make your psycho leanings look super sexy in this short white dress. Your date can take advantage of you as needed, since your arms will be strapped to your sides. Will the fun ever stop?
The Sexy Purple Crayon seems like a real crowd pleaser. What woman hasn’t imagined flaunting her good looks with a pointed purple cap and the word Crayola down her front? As for the guy? I’m sure many a fantasy of picking up your date and coloring in the lines with her head has crossed every guys’ mind at one point or another. Can I get a big meow for this sexy look?
My favorite was a beige, soda fountain poodle skirt and top called Grease Good Sandy. Is that what the creator of the costume would like to do to Sandy? Grease her good?
A Google search yielded some truly tasteless costumes, like a guy dressed up like a menstrual pad, complete with blood. Are you kidding me? That’s nothing to flaunt, believe me. Another guy dressed up like boxed wine with a woman positioned at the, um, er, spout area to catch any “spills.” Puh-lease. A priest costume with a fake, stuffed boy positioned around his hips? Seriously? Okay, there was one good looking guy, naked, save for a pizza box positioned around his hips and junk. Yeah, I can see the appeal there. My mouth did water a bit for a bite of what’s in that box.
It takes all kinds to make a good Halloween celebration. But does it have to take stupid costumes like those mentioned above? I think I’ll stick to writing fiction. Once I’ve recovered from wondering who in the world would wear such costumes…it sure won’t be me.
Meet Calinda B.
Calinda B was told early on that she should be a writer. She heard frequent praise for her writing, as well as her sense of humor. Scoffing at such admonitions and praise, she went on to pursue her life of adventure, chock full of the things that make up a well-rounded adventurous life: music (yup, she was a singer in a rock and roll band), dance (even performed hip hop in Russia), rock climbing (ever hung from a rock wall a few stories up? Yikes!), fire walking (taught high-ranking Moscow fire officials how to walk the coals), kayaking, scuba diving (she’s in love with sharks), travel, and falling in love again and again.
Living in the beautiful Pacific Northwest with the love of her life and her two cats, she has now chosen to put fingers to keyboard and write – when she’s not in pursuit of another adventure!
The Daily Grind: College educated and life-experienced, Calinda B has worked in the world of computers and technology for a long time. Before that she worked in the world of health and fitness, as well as art. Throughout her career she has relied on her writing abilities to write articles, ad copy and web content.
Calinda B.’s Web Tracks:
Calinda B. on All The Things Inbetween:
Calinda B.’s Books:
Red Rex: Blood Echoes Synopsis:
“Your true name is Red Rex. The baddest of badasses, an alpha warrior beyond compare…” Or, at least, that’s what he’s been told.
Eighteen year old Gaige Dupond has his life all mapped out. Lose his virginity to Emily. Get married. Become a pro soccer player and travel the world.
His father, a pure-bred Deltarc from another planet, whose race is growing extinct on planet Earth, has other plans—either confirm that he truly takes after his warrior father, and not his dearly departed empath mother, or snuff out his existence.
All plans go awry, however, when the dangerous red darkness in Gaige is awakened like a beam of hell flickering from his right eye. Pursued by a vicious Deltarc bounty hunter, Deltarc tracking hounds and his father’s wicked minions, he loses his home, his life, all that he holds dear in pursuit of the truth. In his quest to find his mother, victim to a corrupt cryopreservation project in outer space, and right the wrongs inflicted on him, he finds something far darker—his own sinister motivations and the need to feed on something other than human food. His only companion, a lab rat refugee named Sojourn, Gaige knows he’ll never be loved—not in the way he’d always envisioned. Will he find the revenge he’s seeking, or will he become an evil replica of his father? That’s the last thing he’d ever wish on himself, but it may be his only option for survival.
Purchase Red Rex: Blood Echoes:
Red Rex: Blood Echoes Excerpt:
The babe he now knew as Susan slowly sauntered toward Gaige. “Mm mm mmm,” she said, her eyes making a lazy sweep of his body. “Where do you want to do this?”
Gaige cocked his head, his erection straining against his filthy jeans. “Seems a little public here. What do you have in mind?”
“Come with me.” Susan grabbed for his hand.
The skin contact stung, sending a searing shock up his arm. His right eye began to glow like a light switch had been flipped inside.
You’re supposed to do this when they’re asleep, Red Rex.
“It’s Gaige. Gaige.”
I hear your thoughts, his rat, Sojourn, said.
Susan stilled. “What did you say?”
“The name’s Gaige. I thought you might want to know who you’re going to fuck.” Gaige grinned at her, feeling very turned on.
Susan turned to him. “Whoa, I must be drunker than I thought. I’m seeing things. Your eye’s all red, like a holiday light bulb.” She snickered, stumbled and caught her balance, grabbing Gaige’s arm. “Oh my.” She stroked his biceps. “Aren’t you solid? This will be fun.”
He closed his eyes as the red darkness gathered from her touch.
She snagged his hand and pulled him down the street.
You’re supposed to do this when they’re asleep, the rat repeated. Don’t you ever listen? In the delta or theta, not alpha or beta.
“Shut up, rat, you’re messing with my head.”
I can hear your thoughts, stupid human.
“What did you say?” She turned again, blinking and squinting. “Yep, pretty fucked up. Now you’re glowing red all over.” She shrugged and led him into a dark dirt parking lot—the kind used during day hours and abandoned at night. “Here we are. My favorite place to fuck.” She backed up to the side of a brick building, and yanked up her skirt. Next she took his hand and guided it between her legs.
No panties. Gaige, feeling like a kid in a candy store, groaned, feeling her slippery heat. The red in him flared like shooting flames.
Susan laughed. “I really shouldn’t have eaten that E-bomb.”
“You took a happy pill?” Gaige said. I wonder what that will do to her brain waves. Gaige had never done drugs in his life but the effect of her ecstasy high made his erection stiffen to the point of pain.
“Just one teensy little tab, no big deal. And right now you look like a big red fuckable male and I am very horny. Feel.” She spread her thighs wide.
He plunged a finger inside her and moaned.
I’m telling you. She needs to be asleep.
“Shut up, rat.”
She frowned and blinked. “Did you call me a rat?”
“Uh, no. Sorry. Shut up, you’re all that. All that juicy. That’s what I said. Just feel what I’m doing to you, baby.”
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